So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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