so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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