dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
