The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
as a side note pls kill me
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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