No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
