Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
