Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
