Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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