He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
