I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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