I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
