I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
