You made me cry and you don't even care
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
