I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
