My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
