I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
