Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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