best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Well I just put wine in my tea
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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