I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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