I faked an abortion last night.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
