I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
