turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
