He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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