I wish I could punch you in the face.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
