She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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