who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
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