when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
he had hair everywhere except his balls
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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