I CAN MOONWALK!
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
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i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize