So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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