just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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