butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
