How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
handjob tips. give me some.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Randomize
