Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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