When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
