we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
