There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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