He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
