yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
