The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
