Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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