Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Randomize
