We're facebook friends in real life
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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