swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
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its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
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You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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