I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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