my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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