So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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