some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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