If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Randomize
