Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
