she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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