If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
