Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
