Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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