about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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