If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
