Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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