is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
