We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
