It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
