people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
