Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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