i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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