I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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