It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
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How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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