Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
