It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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