I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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